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Fatventures: Taco Bell’s Naked Chicken Chalupa

todayJanuary 27, 2017 41 10

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On January 26, 2017, Taco Bell released a Fatventure worthy menu item that promised to satisfy those who avoid carbs, but still love dat fried, fast-food, trash goodness. The Naked Chicken Chalupa forgoes the standard tortilla which encompasses most Taco Bell delicacies. Instead, a piece of fried chicken wraps up the other ingredients which include lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, and avocado ranch sauce.

Ladies and gentleman, behold:  THE NAKED CHICKEN CHALUPA

chicken chalupa

 

The above picture is, of course, a promotional photo. The photos I provide below are much more realistic, but first, allow me to explain the anticipation leading up to actually putting the Naked Chicken Chalupa in mouth. Taco Bell was packed tonight! All the stoners Taco Bell aficionados and taco-loving Democrats curious diners alike, waited in line just like this trash guzzling slob I did to be among the first to try it. I ordered four of the suckers, waited patiently for my name to be called, and headed home excited to gorge myself enjoy them!

1.    The packaging:

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The outer wrapping is much sturdier and more attractive than that of a standard taco. It made me feel as if the Bell really put some artistic thought into this.

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Inside, a cardboard shell holds the chalupa neatly in place.

2.    Size:

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I apologize that I did not have a banana to provide the proper scale, but as you can see by the adjacent quarter, it is a bit on the small side.

3.    Taste:

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Can you see the look of wonder and excitement in my eyes as I take my first bite?

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See my expression change from delight to confusion as I chew my first bite?

4.    The actual review:

The chicken is moist, tender, and tasty. The breading is spiced-up deliciously. It actually tastes very much like a Wendy’s Spicy Chicken sandwich, and that’s where my disappointment begins. As I said, this chicken is good, but it’s not crispy enough to provide that crunch I need when I’m really craving dumpster meals Taco Bell. Additionally, I like my mouth unauthentic Mexican food loaded with meat. The only ingredients Taco Bell bothers to put inside are a few measly chunks of tomatoes, a light shred of lettuce, some cheese, and a weak AF sauce. Yes, this “avocado ranch” sauce is nothing but glorified mayonnaise. It’s not that any of it tastes bad, in fact, I enjoyed your mom the flavors, but it just felt like I was eating a half portion of some other trash a Wendy’s Spicy Chicken sandwich. I’m a fan of all garbage fast food, but I was in the mood for Taco Bell, not Wendy’s. If I could slowly kill myself by over eating design my own fried chicken-shelled Taco Bell menu item, I would make it with a hard taco shell or fritos inside for extra crunch, meat, beans, and all of the other toppings currently included. Again, this isn’t called a Fried Chicken Chalupa; it is called a Naked Chalupa. In this case, naked simply means lacking and boring. I spoke to a fellow self-mutilator friend of mine just after finishing my meal, and he believed that an ulcer in the making a request like I described is possible from Taco Bell. I’m tempted to try that out and amend my review if anyone is interested in watching me take yet another one for the team.

All of that being said, I did eat two of them. Although the Naked Chicken Chalupa was not what I expected nor what I hoped it would be, it does taste good. Taco Bell’s website is advertising the Naked Chicken Chalupa at just $2.99 plus tax, but my local Bell charged me $3.29 each before tax.

Official Rating:     2.5  out of  5  Stars – Not impressive, but not awful

If you did not read anything above, and prefer to watch and listen to me say it, you can view the video below instead. The first minute and thirty seconds is a condensed version of what I wrote above, and the last two minutes are my son’s review. I should have edited him out, but I got lazy.

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  1. Gary Lum on January 27, 2017

    We don’t have Taco Bell in Australia, well not in Canberra anyway. The description sounds okay but your review has convinced me I’d never want to eat that.

    • Lauren Izzo on January 27, 2017

      I didn’t say it isn’t worth trying; it’s just not everything I dreamed it would be. The let down after the anticipation is what caused the low marks.

      • Gary Lum on January 27, 2017

        Hopefully I can do my dream holiday of driving across the southern states buying a bigger set of trousers in a every state as I eat my way across America. I’ll give it a go!

  2. Jennie Zell on January 27, 2017

    Are they actually marketing this as “low carb”? The breading on the chicken patty probably has as many carbs as a standard taco shell. LAME

    • Lauren Izzo on January 27, 2017

      I don’t know if they are trying to market it as low carb, but I heard people remark on the carb to protein ratio being a better option. It’s essentially a fried chicken sandwich with no bread.

  3. Ya Boi Jase on January 27, 2017

    I think you got shafted by some subpar naked chicken chalupas… Mine definitely had more of a zesty, “you’re eating a taco, not a spicy chicken sandwich” flavor.

    I think Taco Bell is missing the mark by not offering these with anything more than the lettuce, tomato, cheese and avocado ranch. Let’s add ground beef or shredded chicken + beans to this chicken shell and start over.

    That being said, I did truly enjoy mine and would gladly continue to eat these ‘as-is’.
    But the fast food aficionados in me knows these can be better.

    • Lauren Izzo on February 1, 2017

      I suppose you could keep the $3 to save up for $7 spicy chicken sandwich combo meal at Wendy’s?

      • Bunny on February 6, 2017

        I gave it some thought and I will probably give it a try, your post had me craving TB and I haven’t eaten there since my mom died almost a year and a half ago. My mom loved their beef chalupa.


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